Who am I?

You are special,

Are you sure ma?

I don't feel special,

I just feel small.

You are special,

Are you sure ma?

I can never eat too little,

And I'm no so strong.

You are special,

Are you sure ma?

I'm so hungry,

I can't help it.

You are special,

Are you sure ma?

I hate myself,

And so does Ana.

I'm pretty sure I wrote that when I was thirteen. That's a total of two years ago. It doesn't feel like two years ago, it feels like two million. The thing is. I don't really remember two years ago. I was so high on Ana that I can't really say if I was dilusional or not. All I remember is a lot of crying and trying to cut myself, but not being successful. Thank the heavens that all my scissors and knives were too dull, or who knows what I'd look like today. I realize that everyone at done point in their lives asked the question, who am I? But I've never asked myself that until now. And you know why I'm asking that? Because I really genuinely have no idea? For all my life I've been what other people have wanted be to be. I never got a chance to develope my own personality. Well that's changing starting today. I am me and no one can change that. I will be me and only be. And Ana can help me with that.

testing

123

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I was gone

I think its been a long time since I posted. I kinda lost ana. So I'm back, trying to earn her good graces. I'll post an update tomorrow. Until then, here's something to vomit over, I'm 104.5 pounds. Cue vomiting.

Xoxo Alice
Ps email me, Slicklittlemonsters@gmail.com if you think you can help me or if you wanna talk. I need my ana friends back.

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Omg now!

Omg i need a partner for the portia de rossi diet now email me. Slicklittlemonsters@gmail.com

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oh the joys

Oh the joys of being a Wallflower
Quiet observent true

Oh the joys of being a Wallflower
We laugh we cry we see

Oh the joys of being a Wallflower
Were seen but not heard

Oh the joys of being a Wallflower
We know more than it seems

Oh the joys of being a Wallflower
It's not just you we're here too

-an anonymous poem

I've lost my perk. My colour has faded. I have no more spring. I just can't get anyone to understand. I need a new friend. My old ones left me for more colourful friends. Will you be my friend, an old wallflowers friend?

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just a mild week

I'm so sorry I've been away for quite some time from Blogger and I kinda just came back. The only excuse I have for leaving is because I was being a friend. I was contacted by someone who needed a confidant and apparently I'm good at that. So Ive been focusing on her for a while. I'm sorry I neglected you Blogger. I still love you.

So this week went by slowly. I watched every episode of doctor who's previous season. Give a whoop if your a whovian! Whoop whoop! But I have to say. Matt smith is a hot mess. Wish I was Amy. And I also watched another show on BBC called Sherlock. Omg I'm in love with that show Benedict Cumberbatch is the perfect Sherlock Holmes. Did you know he was going to be the doctor after David tennant left? But he couldn't because of conflicting schedules with Sherlock filming. Those of you who didn't know I'm from London and I moved to America for family reasons. I vow to return for college. Oh if you don't give a rats ass about BBC or London don't read the previous paragraph.

I haven't checked the weight because I don't have a working scale. :( someone please mail me one? So I'm guessing I'm nearing 99 again. I can't to back to 100. I'll kill myself I'm not joking. I need to be skinny. I don't care if I have to vomit my way there. Just please, let me get skinny. I'm sorry guys. My depression is acting up and I probably sound like a total troll.

How are you guys? Anyone wanna geek about London and doctor who with me?

Xoxoxoxo,
Alice

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skinny

Has anyone read the book Skinny by Ibi something-or-another? If so I hope you found it as inspiring as I did. I felt as if I knew what her life was like. The only time I see ana is when I catch a glimpse of myself. But she tiranga look like me. No, she's skinny, she's happy, she's older and she can say and do what she wants. If I told anyone this they would call me insane but I hope I can trust you, my beautiful followers, to keep my ugly secrets safe and secret.

Are any of you bulimic? I would love to know. I'm struggling with knowing what to do. The last few days whenever I would eat id just count the calories and say in my head too much, too much. Then I would excuse myself. Go shower and without even thinking I vomited. I didn't stick stuff down my throat. I just pushed it back up. Am I on the road to bulimia? I dont know. I just do it and don't think, its like I'm being controlled. And forced. Maybe its ana telling me to stop eating. Or maybe its mia pushing herself into my life. I just font know.

Intake:

Dinner 250
Snacks 400
Drinks 160
Total 810

Fml I am going to die.

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